so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize