sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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