We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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