I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
