Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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