I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
