I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
