If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
