do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize