I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
