roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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