I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
