I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
