I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
