i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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