Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
