My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
