You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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