Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can I color on your dick again?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
