You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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