If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
