im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize