$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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