Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
