oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
