Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
