Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
