Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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