I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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