I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
