Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
