TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He has the fingertips of a God
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