She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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