If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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