I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
