the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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