so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
