we're making bets on your personal life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
