Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
