You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
