sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
