If i come over, it means nothing
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
