So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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