he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
