what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
