We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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