Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he thought i was a dude.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
