i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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