Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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