I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
