Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
