I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
