What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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