All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
