two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
