New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
