His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
