Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
