Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
