Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
