its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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