I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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