is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
