Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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