Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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