so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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