on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
