Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
