sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
