i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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